slumber topic ~ BOYS, MEN

I just had a petty conversation with two of my peers the other night during our slumber activity. The usual girl-talk with ordinary topics --- about our friendship, reminiscing experiences, reliving the good old days, and well, the favorite --- boys. But that night was different, well, not at least when the subject shifted to BOYS. We were talking about our simple sexual experiences, the first kisses and stuff. It was fun, of course. You don’t really share your “experiences” about things like that. We talked about how it went, when and where it happened, and until what part. Of course, I’m talking about the 1st base, 2nd, 3rd, and that “home run.” It was enjoying at first, revealing those little secrets we had, exploring those clandestine, and breaking the walls of denials that we kept then.
It hit me. The then… The past. How long have we not experienced kissing, anyway? How much time had passed after that last tingling sensation we felt? And how many days, worse, months had flown by since the last time we kissed someone? Right. Big deal.
I had my break-up with my last boyfriend summer last year. Summer last year? My, it’s already the start of a new year and another summer is fast approaching. I hardly noticed I was single for almost eight months now. Carefree, alone, single. I know I was too busy in school since I’m hopefully graduating this March. I was too engrossed of, not just my studies, but also my internship, my club duties as officer, and responsibility as school paper writer. I was occupied with many things, too hectic to notice my love life’s emptiness; too engaged to fathom that my life has been meaningless. Well not to the point of living purposeless and totally bare. I just can’t think of myself not being aware of what’s happening, of what’s arising --- me, loveless. I admire some guys yes, I appreciate a couple of them.

I felt again a giggling moment, about three months of recovery with my last man.
I don’t really know if it’s a good thing, recovering only a few months after we broke up, I mean, the first time I fell in-loved, I had it with me for more than four years. Imagine, four years and more! To think that we didn’t even have a relationship, my first love. I was just too young, though. I’ve heard some individuals specifically women, tend to carry the pain of breaking up for years. A good example is my friend, Annie. She had her last serious boyfriend when we were in our second year. That was a few years ago and yet, when she’d known that the guy got married last month, she’s still lamenting it over. It was painful for her and it obviously shows she still is well damned in-loved with the guy. Another is my other peer, Donna May. She’s been into this guy since our freshmen days and still is clinging to her feelings for him. It’s just a pity that the guy is too impassive to notice her emotion. Michelle, on the other hand, contents herself with long-distance relationships through the limited space of the chat room; not forgetting the four corners of her cellular phone’s screen. (end)

… I’ve written this article a few years ago, way back 2003.

I couldn’t even remember why I wrote this stuff.

Kkk… the pain of being loveless; the throbbing fact of not having a boyfriend, a partner.
Well at this time, I can’t really say having no boyfriend means loneliness. I currently don’t have a partner, but I’m happy. I have my friends all around me. And I can’t think of myself sticking up to only one person. That’s a bit boring to think now. My last boy friend (just last year) was too old for me and the relationship’s not really worth remembering, kkk. For now, my friends and I have moved on. We have almost forgotten that “lonely” past. We’ve had relationships; some are still having their relationships; and the others, still the same ~ sweet and single. We have responsibilities now, many obligations. So I guess we have to set aside having boyfriends first.

Que Sera, Sera~ whatever may be, may be…