...what i feel...

i feel pain. seems like a thousand knives is throbbing around my body. like needles piercing through my skin, killing me little by little. and it's making me cry. but i don't undstand if it really is pain. i don't know if i really feel hurt, or...
i feel fear. seems like i'm sorrounded by things i do not know, things leading me to insanity. i'm scared. i don't want to accept the responsibility. i'm afraid i'm not strong enough to handle a very big one. before, i thought of the things that would likely to happen. happy things that i've gotten fond of. ideas making me excited awaiting the future. but now...
i feel upset. don't want to reach that time. the time when i'm gonna handle the duty ?burdened? to me. i feel like i'm going into pieces; i'm in a time of disarray. so...
i seek refuge. i want to scream. i want to let go of whatever i'm feeling inside. i want to be free from the obligation i'm scared of handling. i want to release the tension that's beginning to surround me. but...
i feel responsible. something's preventing me to lose hope. something's encouraging me to hold on. and something's building up my confidence to continue the task i'm about to handle. miracle, yes. it's definitely something from up above. then...
help me, God.