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I'm gonna start logging in for SMART E-load... Kinda scary (maybe at first), because it's really complicated. I mean, while talking to the dealer/subdealer/U2/retailer or any other subs of smart money, mobile banking, smart padala, i still have to focus on the front-end tools i'm gonna use... it's confusing at first because i have to use, not just 4, but at least 5 database... and i have to do it A L O N E... whew!
After I've gotten the post for the SMARTLoad Dept, I have only stayed in i-CON for 3 months and 3 weeks... well, i have to say i'm blessed... coz not all peepz 'in contractual state' could be (like) promoted, almost a step away for regularization (at least probation), in just a short time.
i remember the time when ms. mavick went to where i was posted, back in the prepaid days. i was really surprised, and a bit scared because she was so serious, really serious. i thought i made a mistake in providing info to a subs. i was even fearful when i realized that she talked to one of my teammates a while before she approached me. i thought of the possible problems and things she's gonna tell me. 'maybe our contract really has ended... pitiful thought.
after breathing heavily, i went to her and then...
she asked why i was called 'rhode..' then she said my name's cute... (ehem!) and then she blurted it out. that i was chosen as one of the 15 recommended CSRs for interview for the SMARTLoad Deoartment. blah! blah! i smiled. i couldnt say anything. maybe because i was too overhwlemed of the feeling. The nasty thought suddenly disappeared, filled with a feeling of proudness...
i had my interview with ms. sarah. good thing the OIC was busy at that time. my friend told me that ms. lucille loved to say, 'expound; and then...' kkk!
after almost a month, we started with the training, then the shadowing... and now... i have to log tonight... end of story? i don't think so... still have to share my first log.
so help me, God!

Infatuation or Love..

ang pagibig at ang kahibangan

masarap talaga ang feeling ng IN LOVE...

lahat naman tayo naiinlab...

pero marami sa atin ang INFATUATED lang... both LOVE and INFATUATION are sure to live as up to cloud 9...

pero MAG-KA-I-BA sila...suriin mo ang nararamdaman mo...

ang INFATUATION ay matinding paghanga...

it is an instant desire...

matindi ang iyong pagnanais na makasama ang isang tao...

samantala, ang PAG-IBIG ay tila nag-aalab na pagkakaibigan...

ika nga, it takes root and grows one day at a time...

kusa itong sumisibol...

hindi ito padalos-dalos o pabigla-bigla...

kapag ikaw ay INFATUATED, may feeling ka of insecurity...

hindi ka mapalagay...

oo nga at excited ka ngunit hindi ka totoong masaya...

sometimes, you doubt him/her...

sometimes you always ask but seems to find no answer...

may mga bagay din tungkol sa kanya na gusto mong malaman...

at pag hindi mo ito magustuhan, like hindi mo pala gusto yung taste of clothes niya, you'd feel very disappointed...

it might shatter the image you've built about him/her...

LOVE, on the other hand, understands...

it knows that your loved one has imperfections...

ito ang totoong pag-ibig...

binibigyan ka nito ng kalakasan...

you even feel his/her presence kahit na malayo siya...

distance is not a hindrance for your love not to grow...

you're sure he/she is with you in spirit...

of course, you want him/her near... but near or far,

you know he/she loves you as much as you love him/her...

you can wait for him/her...no matter what...

when you're INFATUATED, you tend to say that you want to get married as
soon as time possible...

masasabi mo na," I can't afford to lose you!"....

samantala, when you're IN LOVE,

you don't rush into anything...

you're patient... you don't panic...

you plan your future carefully...

INFATUATION is smart with sexual excitement...

you want constant intimacy with him/her...

samantala, LOVE is a maturation of friendship...

it is always best to be friends first before becoming lovers...

pag INFATUATED ka, iniisip mo na baka nagiging unfaithful na siya sa'yo...

LOVE is trusting the other person...

you know you can trust him/her...

and by feeling this way,he/she even becomes more trustworthy...

dahil INFATUATED ka, maaari kang makagawa ng mga bagay

na maaari mong mapagsisisihan in the end...

but with LOVE, you are sure of your every move...

maginhawa ang iyong pakiramdam...

you function well...

nagiging mas mabuti kang tao pag alam mo na pag-ibig nga ang iyong nararamdaman... think about it...

think about the difference between LOVE and INFATUATION...

you know, GOD is NOT a killjoy in love affairs...

LOVE is HIS idea...

He wants you to enjoy the REAL THING!

but......you have to be WISE!

or else, you might MISS it out... worse, you'll just break hearts

or find yourself singing, "sinaktan mo ang puso ko..."

after all, you're not settling for second best, right?

...what i feel...

i feel pain. seems like a thousand knives is throbbing around my body. like needles piercing through my skin, killing me little by little. and it's making me cry. but i don't undstand if it really is pain. i don't know if i really feel hurt, or...
i feel fear. seems like i'm sorrounded by things i do not know, things leading me to insanity. i'm scared. i don't want to accept the responsibility. i'm afraid i'm not strong enough to handle a very big one. before, i thought of the things that would likely to happen. happy things that i've gotten fond of. ideas making me excited awaiting the future. but now...
i feel upset. don't want to reach that time. the time when i'm gonna handle the duty ?burdened? to me. i feel like i'm going into pieces; i'm in a time of disarray. so...
i seek refuge. i want to scream. i want to let go of whatever i'm feeling inside. i want to be free from the obligation i'm scared of handling. i want to release the tension that's beginning to surround me. but...
i feel responsible. something's preventing me to lose hope. something's encouraging me to hold on. and something's building up my confidence to continue the task i'm about to handle. miracle, yes. it's definitely something from up above. then...
help me, God.