When You Divorce Me, Carry Me Out in Your Arms
On my wedding day, I carried my wife in my arms. The bridal car stopped in
front of our one-room flat. My buddies insisted that I carry her out of
the car in my arms. So I carried her into our home. She was then plump and
shy.
I was a strong and happy bridegroom.
This was the scene of ten years ago.
The following days were as simple as a cup of pure water: we had a kid, I
went into business and tried to make more money. When the assets were
steadily increasing, the affections between us seemed to ebb. She was
civil servant. Every morning we left home together and got home almost at
the same time. Our kid was studying in a boarding school.
Our marriage life seemed to be enviably happy. But the calm life was more
likely to be affected by unpredictable changes.
Dew came into my life.
It was a sunny day. I stood on a spacious balcony. Dew hugged me from
behind. My heart once again was immersed in her stream of love. This was
the apartment I bought for her.
Dew said, You are the kind of man who best draws girls eyeballs. Her words
suddenly reminded me of my wife. When we just married, my wife said, Men
like you, once successful, will be very attractive to girls. Thinking of
this, I became somewhat hesitant. I knew I had betrayed my wife. But I
couldn t help doing so.
I moved Dew s hands aside and said, You go to select some furniture, O.K.?
I ve got something to do in the company. Obviously she was unhappy,
because I had promised her to go and see with her. At the moment, the idea
of divorce became clearer in my mind although it used to be something
impossible to me.
However, I found it rather difficult to tell my wife about it. No matter
how mildly I mentioned it to her, she would be deeply hurt. Honestly, she
was a good wife. Every evening she was busy preparing dinner. I was
sitting in front of the TV. The dinner was ready soon. Then we watched TV
together.
Or, I was lounging before the computer, visualizing Dew's body. This was
the means of my entertainment.
One day I said to her in a slight joking way, suppose we divorce, what
will you do? She stared at me for a few seconds without a word. Apparently
she believed that divorce was something too far away from her. I couldn t
imagine how she would react once she got to know I was serious.
When my wife went to my office, Dew had just stepped out. Almost all the
staff looked at my wife with a sympathetic eye and tried to hide something
while talking with her. She seemed to have got some hint. She gently
smiled at my subordinates. But I read some hurt in her eyes.
Once again, Dew said to me, He Ning, divorce her, O.K.? Then we live
together. I nodded. I knew I could not hesitate any more.
When my wife served the last dish, I held her hand. I ve got something to
tell you, I said.
She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.
Suddenly I didn t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know
what I was thinking. I want to divorce. I raised a serious topic calmly.
She didn t seem to be much annoyed by my words, instead she asked me
softly, why? .
I m serious. I avoided her question. This so-called answer turned her
angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man!
.
At that night, we didn t talk to ! each other. She was weeping. I knew she
wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly
give her a satisfactory answer, because my heart had gone to Dew. With a
deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she
could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at
it and then tore it into pieces. I felt a pain in my heart. The woman who
had been living ten years with me would become a stranger one day. But I
could not take back what I had said.
Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to
see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce
which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer.
A late night, I came back home after entertaining my clients. I saw her
writing something at the table. I fell asleep fast. When I woke up, I
found she was still there. I turned over and was asleep again.
She brought up her divorce conditions: she didn t want anything from
me,but I was supposed to give her one month s time before divorce, and in
the month s time we must live as normal life as possible. Her reason was
simple: our son would finish his summer vacation a month later and she
didn't want him to see our marriage was broken.
She passed me the agreement she drafted, and then asked me, He Ning, do
you still remember how I entered our bridal room on the wedding day?
This question suddenly brought back all those wonderful memories to me. I
nodded
and said, I remember . You carried me in your arms , she continued, so, I
have a requirement, that is, you carry me out in your arms on the day when
we divorce. From now to the end of this month, you must carry me out from
the bedroom to the door every morning.
I accepted with a smile. I! knew she missed those sweet days and wished to
end her marriage with a romantic form.
I told Dew about my wife s divorce conditions. She laughed loudly and
thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she does, she has to face the
result of divorce, she said scornfully. Her words more or less made me
feel uncomfortable.
My wife and I hadn t had any body contact since my divorce intention was
explicitly expressed. We even treated each other as a stranger. So when I
carried her out for the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son
clapped behind us, daddy is holding mummy in his arms. His words brought
me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the
door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes
and said softly, Let us start from today, don t tell our son. I nodded,
feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outsi! de the door. She went to
wait for bus, I drove
to office.
On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my
chest. We were so close that I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I
realized that I hadn t looked at this intimate woman carefully for a long
time. I found she was not young any more. There were some fine wrinkles on
her face.
On the third day, she whispered to me, The outside garden is being
demolished. Be careful when you pass there.
On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I seemed to feel that we were
still an intimate couple and I was holding my sweetheart in my arms. The
visualization of Dew became vaguer.
On the fifth and sixth day, she kept reminding me something, such as,
where she put the ironed shirts, I should be careful while cooking, etc.I
nodded. The sense of intimacy was even stronger.
I didn t tell Dew about this.
I felt it was easier to carry her. Perhaps the everyday workout made me
stronger. I said to her, It seems not difficult to carry you now.
She was picking her dresses. I was waiting to carry her out. She tried
quite a few but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, All my
dresses have grown fatter. I smiled. But I suddenly realized that it was
because she was thinner that I could carry her more easily, not because I
was stronger. I knew she had buried all the bitterness in her heart.
Again, I felt a sense of pain. Subconsciously I reached out a hand to
touch her head.
Our son came in at the moment. Dad, it's time to carry mum out. He said.
To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had been an essential
part of his life. She gestured our son to come closer and hugged him
tightly. I turned my face because I was afraid I would change my mind at
the last minute. I held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through
the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and
naturally. I held her body tightly, as if we came back to our wedding day.
But her much lighter weight made me sad.
On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step.
Our son had gone to school. She said, Actually I hope you will hold me
in your arms until we are old.
I held her tightly and said, Both you and I didn t notice that our life
was lack of such intimacy.
I jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any
delay would make me change my decision. I walked upstairs. Dew opened the
door. I said to her, Sorry, Dew, I won t divorce. I m serious.
She looked at me, astonished. Then she ! touched my forehead. You got no
fever. She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Dew, I said, I can
only say sorry to you, I won t divorce. My marriage life was boring
probably because she and I didn t value the details of life, not because
we didn't love each other any more. Now I understand that since I carried
her into the home, she gave birth to our child, I am supposed to hold her
until I am old. So I have to say sorry to you.
Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed
the door and burst into cry. I walked downstairs and drove to the office.
When I passed the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet for my wife
which was her favorite. The salesgirl asked me to write the
greeting words on the card. I smiled and wrote, I ll carry you out every
morning until we are old.
... hai! danda!!!
posted by dhyames @ 6:37 AM
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